You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
