Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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