Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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