take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
