Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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