Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
