The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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