You're completely useless in the revolution.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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