discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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