Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
