He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
