Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
