You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
