She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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