I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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