census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
