wakey wakey hands off snakey
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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