There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
