Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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