you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
