did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
