She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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