What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
