I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize