I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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