Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
