JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
