Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
