When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's get the cat blown out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
