woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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