Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize