First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize