i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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