I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Even the bartender felt bad for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
