MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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