did you get engaged???
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
