Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
