So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
