how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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