this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
