people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
