Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
