You smell like stripper and shame
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize