Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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