I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
