NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
