you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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