im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
