Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
