There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
