If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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