ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
