We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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