I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
