Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
