Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
