An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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