look no pants
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
