i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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