We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
