dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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