Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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