a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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