please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
