Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
