Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
