I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
