All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
